Repeat After Me: Life Gets Better 💜

 A few days ago, I was reminded of my old blog. I started in 2003, right after college. Masyado lang akong maraming feelings and no one to talk to about it, so I made a blog where I can let it all out. It became an outlet for stress reduction. So ayun na nga, naalala ko bigla si old blogspot. I tried logging on and the first few tries were unsuccessful, but after a few more guesses nakapasok na rin ako.

KADIRI ANG EMO KO! Hahahaha. Ha. I think I was able to repost a few entries here in my existing blog kaya there are posts dating way back 2005 in here. But most didn’t make it. Most of my ka-emohan circa 2005-2006-2007 didn’t make it. Ang daming mga bagay na hindi na applicable today. Ang daming bagay na hindi ko gusto dati na gusto ko na ngayon, and vice versa. How time flies.

So here are what’s different from before and what’s remained the same…

• -        My love for K-dramas started 16 years ago. Kumbaga, teenager na siya. It started out with Meteor Garden, actually. Taiwanese dramas muna ako then a few Korean dramas hanggang puro K-dramas na lang. And 16 years after, I’m still at it. Not as addicted to it now but still very much into it.
• -        I don’t remember being so into Hyun Bin during his Kim Sam-soon days, but apparently, I was. Watched Crash Landing on You last year and he doesn’t have the same effect on me as he did some 12 years ago. At kung titingnan mo naman eh mas pogi siya now. Weird ko talaga.
• -        I used to not like boy groups who wear eyeliners, makeup, etc. Well, news flash- they all wear makeup. And oh, 16 years after, I am very much into boy groups who wear eyeliners, makeup and ETCETERA. Thank you very much 😊
• -        I was such a negastar back in the day. OMG. I hated my life. I hated Christmas (whuuut, right?). There was this entry where I posted my answer to online Friendster surveys and the question was “Do you think you’d die young?” And my answer was, “I always wanted to die young, but not this young. Around 30 siguro puede na.” WOW. HOW EMO CAN ONE GET?!? I’m so glad things turned around for me. I was 23 when I wrote that. Minsan gusto kong bumalik sa pagkabata kasi nga ang shonda ko na, kaso I think I’m okay with what I am now. I may be much older, but I am also happier. And I LOVE CHRISTMAS! I can’t even imagine my younger self not liking Christmas cos, it's like, the most wonderful time of the year.  But it was nice to know that even before I already loved celebrating my (and counting down) birthdays.
• -        One of my worries ca. 2005 was what if I don’t get rich in 5-10 years. Well, dear 23-year-old me, you are still not rich 16 years later. You can now afford more stuff but, definitely, hindi ka mayaman. These days (pre-pandemic, I mean), I can spare a little bit more. If I used to feel guilty for spending P500 for a whole day out, now I feel guilty for spending P500 on a meal. Of course that doesn’t happen all the time. Kapag nagma-Masil lang kami.
• -        Madami akong posts referring to crushes pero hindi ko na maalala most of them. Or at least to who I was referring. So from now on, I will use code names in my posts. With BTS naman no need to do that. As if they care. Well, even my erstwhile objects of affection wouldn’t care back then.
• -        I’m also surprised to read that I used to dislike reading fiction. But, why? Maybe at that time I just haven’t found my genre which is kilig-kilig Young Adult, by the way. Back then I liked reading about facts and trivia, essays and self-help books. Maybe if I had discovered YA books earlier, mas maaga rin ako naging happy sa buhay ko- live vicariously baga.
• -        23-year-old me didn’t like boys with abs. Pues ngayon, this ahjumma likes men (boys na rin paminsan) with abs. I guess it comes with age. LOLs.
• -        24-year-old me wanted to be a landlady of leisure. Still true.
• -        Also, 24-year-old me was told by a fortune-teller that I’d get married daw. Hmm… although I say that the probability of that happening is slim to none, aba malay natin. Hahaha.
• -        I was introduced to YouTube by Ycel last July 2006. First thing I watched on it was Daria.
• -        I discovered the wonders of kojic acid soap on my skin last 2006. It was the product that turned the state of my skin around. Well, that and Murad. Yung freebie lang na Murad, okay? Wala akong pambili ng full-size Murad product. I can’t even remember which Murad product it was, but that one cleared my nose of blackheads for good. Meron pa ring occasional blackheads, but pre-Murad, it was an infestation y’all.
• -        Not only did I have a blogspot blog. I also had a livejournal blog.
• -        “Kausapin niyo ang ingrown niyo!” This made me LOL, LOL :P Just a year into the nail spa business, I knew that the business wasn’t for me. I had four reasons: 1) I am not a people-person and I don’t like making chika to people I don’t really like; 2) Nababagot ako. I was with my nail techs from 2-9pm and I felt that there wasn’t much we could talk about; 3) I didn’t like that the business was too dependent on its employees and that fact gave your employees the upper hand; and 4) Ayoko sa mga customers na masusungit. I mean, your 70 pesos only paid for the service that you got, hindi yung pagkatao namin. But then again, if it weren’t for this business, I wouldn’t have had serendipitously discovered what I am doing right now. Ayun nga, I guess everything happens for a reason.
• -        I used to hate name-compounding keme of loveteams, like Brangelina. But now, I’ve indulged in the practice. Jadine. Kathniel. Sadyang may mga bagay na hindi na natin kayang labanan. Give in. Charot.

Reading my past entries, parang napaka-nega ko. Well, I don’t know if I’m less nega now. I’d like to believe I’m not anymore. It’s actually surprising that around 2006 to 2007 I was still feeling slightly miserable. Maybe because I didn’t like what I was doing- the nail spa. And the years in between 2003 to now, those were like the transition years. I’m in my happy place right now. Despite the pandemic, I am happy. I hope I remain in my happy place forever.

Another realization is one should avoid absolute statements. Words like always and never. People change. Preferences change. So ayun nga, napakadaming bagay about me that changed. Madaming bagay na ayaw ko dati, gusto ko na ngayon. Gusto ko dati, hindi ko na masyadong bet ngayon.

Basta masaya ako na masaya ako. At least, feeling ko masaya ako. I’m not sure what brought about the change, I’m sure it wasn’t overnight. As abovementioned, may transition period. Maybe because I’m more secure with myself right now. Maybe because I enjoy what I am doing. Maybe because I am earning while doing what I love. Maybe because I’ve learned to count my blessings and to be grateful for the smallest of things. I just hope that when I look back to this phase of my life 15 years from now, I’ll be in a much happier state. Dear self, cheers to more happy years! ♥