What's In A Name?

I watched What Happens in Vegas last night and there was something Jack (Ashton Kutcher) said to Joy (Cameron Diaz) that inspired me to write this entry. Unfortunately, I can't remember what it was word for word but it goes something like this~ you're pretty hostile for someone named Joy.

And that's why I prefer people to call me Val...

Ever since I was a child, my parents already had issues about me and how I'd always frown and make faces. Oftentimes they told me that they were mistaken for naming me Valerie Joy. They said that they should've named me Valerie Sad or Valerie Mad. They even told me that they should've named me Ines instead dahil lagi akong inis and that when I grow old, people would call me Aling Ines. Perfect daw.

Actually, I've gone through various phases in my life. When I was a toddler, I was pleasant and bibo. I sing whenever I was asked to sing and my forte was dancing to Shake Body Body Dancer and Bop Girl (hence the title of this blog). However, when I was in my pre-teens, I became grouchy and would always wear a frown. This was also the stage where I hated having my pictures taken. It's not that I'm unhappy... I just don't like to smile much and I just don't like how I look like in pictures. High school and college were happy stages of my life but now that I'm in a very vague phase in my life, I'm starting to become Valerie Sad and Mad once again. However, in all stages, irritability never escaped me. I always swore I'd improve on that but somehow it's too hard. I feel that if I suppress it and keep it to myself, I'd just explode or die from cancer which was caused by all the suppressed anger.

As I've mentioned, I am now in a very very vague chapter of my life. Still conflicted on what should I be, I am actually dying to find out for myself what it is. If before I was only irritable, nowadays I am hostile. Maybe it was brought about by feelings of uncertainty and frustration. I actually didn't notice it until my sister pointed it out to me and asked me why I'm being hostile to mommy, to everyone.

I just wish the day would come when I could actually live up to what my name means...