I did it my way.... not.

It will be December already tomorrow and before I know it, it is already the Year 2006.

Right now, a myriad of thoughts are going through my head. A lot of whys, whats and hows. I have never been so unsure in my life. I feel lost as to what I would really want to do with this so-called life of mine. I want to be carefree and living one day at a time but I can't stop worrying about the future. Yeah, I do worry about the future. Although I may not look it, I do care. I am scared of what the future holds for me cos right now I feel very pessimistic about it.

Another year has passed and I haven't done anything that's relevant to human existence. I remain to be such an insignificant homo sapien en la tierra. Of course, I am not expecting much from myself but I also want to stop living a mediocre life. I fear I am forever doomed to remain in this state of mediocrity and inertness. To reiterate and give emphasis to my discontentment, I just want to say that I feel life is not short. It is but a long, meaningless journey towards nothingness. I would be much happier if it was much shorter.

I hate the feeling of uncertainty. Hate hate hate.

babaw

I am such a shallow human being.

I just noticed that just recently but it's actually been going on for 3 friggin' years. I may be suffering from what they call the Peter Pan Syndrome because I don't wanna grow up!

I really hate that I am so indecisive as to what I want to do with my life right now. When I was younger, I was so sure I wanted to be a lawyer. Everyone thought I was going to pursue my dream of becoming a lawyer. Then I realized it wasn't my dream. It was someone else's dream for me. Even if I took up a course directly related to law, I kind of knew that I didn't want to become a lawyer. And so I withdrew from law school just after 2 weeks into it. My parents were disappointed, of course. I myself am disappointed because I think I fell short of my parents' expectations. I am pissed at myself because I didn't dare think for myself what I want to do with my life. I was so keen on pleasing my parents that I didn't try to think of other options. I was never the confrontational, aggressive type and from that alone, I should have taken my cue. I am so not lawyer material.

Though I still hope I am headed somewhere. I believe that in life, there are no accidents and things happen for a reason. So for whatever reason that may be, I hope it would lead me somewhere. I just wish I am not an aimless soul. I still wish to find my reason for living, as cheesy as it may sound.

Un día muy aburrido

I am sooo bored.

After lunch, we went to Eastwood to do foot traffic count. That was the most boring thing I ever did... EVER. However, I saw Bam Aquino which quasi-compensates the boredom.

While doing the most boring thing in Eastwood, I kept on hearing people doing sound check. They were setting up the stage for an Oktoberfest event later that night. Wala lang, it reminded me of good ol' high school days during intrams. I missed the intrams. Gosh, I loved the intrams. I miss watching volleyball games. I miss training for the track team (if you could call that training at all). I miss slacking off during intrams. I miss the cheering competitions. I miss everything about it!

The good thing about doing foot traffic count in Eastwood is Eastwood is very near where I live. As I got home early, I started watching Mianhada Saranghada again. But then I had to discontinue my MiSa marathon because sister dear arrived early from work.

1998

Lately, I've been missing my sophomore year in high school so bad. That year was just plain perfect. Everyone in class got along. Breaks consist of playing chinese garter, 10...20, jackstone and magic box. The beginning of what was to become my 5-year Savage Garden fixation. The highs and the lows. And almost making a "darren" tattoo on my left forearm with a rusty blade.

1998 was the year of good music. Third Eye Blind, Jewel, Matchbox 20, Barenaked Ladies, The Wallflowers, All Saints, The Corrs just to name a few. I was obsessed with Dave Matthew's Band's Crash Into Me. And my Savage Garden (SG) obsession.

When I think about it, my SG fixation was freaky. My daddy called it idolatry. I had this organizer/planner wherein I would write down the time when I saw their music video on tv or heard their song on the radio. I traded other bands' posters for SG's. I remember calling my bestfriend and crying upon finding out that the Philippines was not included in their Asian Tour. I memorized all of Darren's acceptance speeches at the ARIAs and Channel [V] Awards. I wrote to their fan club in Australia and almost shelled out AUS$25 for membership. It was crazy back then. My dad thought that I was too obsessed over the shit that he told me that he would burn all my posters if I didn't stop the nonsense. By the way, I still keep my SG collection. I can't part with it just yet. I refuse to let go. And I still believe that Darren Hayes is not gay... unless he says so.


It was also the year of Titanic. And Leonardo di Caprio was god. I thought the movie was overrated though. When my sister narrated the story to me, I cried. But when I watched the movie, I didn't cry. The movie's OST included Celine Dion's My Heart Will Go On and remember so well that there was a proliferation of bazillion versions. Cheesy, right? But my classmates and I recorded every version there was. So sino mas cheesy? Yung cheesy o yung mga pumatol sa cheesy? Ha.

It was also the year when boybands reigned supreme. The Backstreet Boys was the shizz and N'sync was just their rip-off. Justin Timberlake was still platinum blonde and and ugly. Boyzone was pretty popular, too. Ronan Keating was my bestfriend's ultimate crush. Boyzone's downfall started when Stephen Gately came out of the closet. Why was I not surprised?I also remember "stalking" Code Red cos it was my birthday that time. My sister, who was the one into Code Red, wanted to watch their performance in Megamall. After the performance, we followed them to their hotel and pathetically waited for them to grace us with their presence. Anyway, I know there were more but I can't remember them anymore.

The best year of my high school life.
Good times...

Buking

saturday morning view

Had Spanish class again yesterday. Late for class. Again. I have a feeling that my teacher does not like me. I think she thinks I am a ditz. Or maybe I am just being paranoid. I hope I am just being paranoid.

I met with Ycel after class. Superman was with her to pick up the soap he bought from me. Well, the thing is... I was really scared to meet with Ycel and Superman. Superman was one of Lolo's Superfriends. Guilty kasi. Anyway, wala namang nangyari so okay lang. But there was a major revelation that happened. Superman already knows about my ex Lolo-fixation. Kakahiya. But it's not the end of the world or something, right? Besides, Lolo's not here anymore...

It was a relief to find out that we weren't so obvious pala back then. Yay! And all the while I thought we were so frickin' transparent. Mali pala. Well... I wasn't obvious. But it was obvious that someone from our group has a crush on someone from theirs. Gets? Still, I am relieved that they didn't know that it was I who crushed on Lolo.

College was really fun. My friends and I weren't exactly party people but we had our own way of having fun. We're a bunch of dorks. I love my friends so much! I don't know if college would be that fun if they weren't my friends. T-party sessions were always fun. I miss college.

Teenybopper flicks

I love teen flicks! That reflects my lack of social life back... up until now. Recently, I have started a collection of my favorite teenybopper flicks. As of today, these are the titles I have:

Pretty in Pink
10 Things I Hate About You
Mean Girls
Never Been Kissed

And here are the titles I have yet to covet:

The Breakfast Club 9/28/05
Sixteen Candles 9/28/05
Say Anything
Clueless1/4/06
Some Kind of Wonderful 1/4/06
She's All That
Can't Hardly Wait
Empire Records
Bring It On
Fast Times at Ridgemont High
The Commitments 2/21/08 (dl)
Ferris Bueller's Day Off 6/10/06
St. Elmo's Fire6/10/06
Heathers

What else... It's so hard to find some of these movies now... Grabe!
Update: But now I can download them from the net! Bwahahha!! 2/22/2008

Fave Korean Movie

I am so in love with The Classic.

I love the story. I love the characters. I love the setting. I love everything about it! It's a really romantic movie and a must-see for all mushy people.

Son Ye-jin is my favorite Korean actress ever! She is so pretty and talented. I so want to be like her. Haha. I also loved her in A Moment to Remember. I am so looking forward to April Snow.