In due time

Only now did I get to fully understand what the statement above means.

This year, I had planned on taking the Holy Week seriously. Before, I only saw Holy Week as the time for movie/K-drama marathons complete with junk food and coke bingeing. But this year, AD and I had agreed to attend the village parish church's recollections to really have the time to reflect on things. AD and I attended the first recollection but found it very akin to a religion class. AB suggested that we come with her to the recollection conducted by the Jesuit priests at the Ateneo in Rockwell. I was able to focus on the talk although there were times when my ADHD would kick in.

It was about decluttering one's life not only of material things but also of emotional baggages. We should rid our life of things that are holding us back from moving on. I should have attended this one since I reckon I have heaps of material clutter and tons of emotional clutter. I need to sort things out, carefully discern what matters and eliminate those that does not. I need to make space for new and better things in my life. Sabi nga, if we don't get rid of these clutter, how can new blessings enter our lives?

Also, the speaker talked about hell. Hell, supposedly, is being in a state of being stuck. I heard from my sister's friend this story where hell is not a place engulfed in flames, it's an icy place daw with Satan stuck in between ice. Wanting to free himself, Satan keeps on flapping his wings but this only makes the ice harden even more making escape impossible. So maybe for the past few years I was in my hell. For the past few years, I felt stuck. I didn't know what to do back then. Well, even til now I'm not 100% sure if what I'm currently doing is IT but I'm happy doing it so maybe I'm on the right track.

Like clutter, death can also be experienced in different contexts. It may be death in the physical context as in dedo, shotay or death in other context such as death in one's career or relationships. Also, it was discussed how God's love for us is limitless. His death on the cross was the most extreme someone could show how much he loves someone. In other words, kamatayan ang pinakasukdulan. And we must know that whatever we do, God will always love us.

Aside from attending the recollections, there was one very significant moment that happened amidst all these. The thing was I was confused whether or not to go into law school again. Several years after withdrawing from law school, I was seriously thinking of going back. I still am sure as hell I don't want to spend my lifetime lawyering but there's that what if factor that makes me want to try it. And also, there's also that inggit factor. Sometimes, I can't help but compare myself to my former blockmates who are already lawyers. Ayun, confused ako. But I got my answer during Good Friday. It was lika an aha! moment for me. I asked God for a sign but I didn't ask for something clearly defined. Gets? It wasn't like, "Lord, 'pag nakakita ako ng butterfly..." kind of sign. Hehe. I knew I will know it once I see, hear or read it. When I heard it, I knew that was God's answer to my question. And that made me decide, once and for all, that I don't want to take that path ever.

So to relate all that I just said to the quote above, I'm loving it that everything is starting to fall into place. First, things have to fall apart so you can pick up the pieces and in the process, decide which to keep and which to discard. From there, you'll have your starting ground. It took me this long to figure things out (which, by the way, aren't really that certain) but I'm happy with the way things are turning out. Things are falling into place and I couldn't be any happier about it.