I'm in Luck

I'm sooooo tired.

I know I shouldn't be blogging and should be sleeping instead, but I needed to email something entonces I can't help but write an entry.

I was supposed to do some errands today somewhere out there and had to commute to do so. Well, if it was somewhere I'm familiar with, it's no big deal. However, since it's somewhere I had to go to for the first time! Commuting! Then that's an adventure for me.

And with a little good luck, my sister decided to accompany me! Goody! That was totally unpredictable! Hindi ko alam kung naawa siya sa akin o tinatamad lang siya talaga pumasok. Haha. Either way, it's good for me. And so I was able to "accomplish" lots of things. We were able to do everything we were set out to do. Well, maybe except one.

I was supposed to apply for a slot for a civil service exam schedule but I don't have a picture yet and I still have to get a picture for my application. And again, I put that task for later. Anyway, I'll be in the area on Monday so I guess I'll have to apply on Monday instead. Hopefully, there'll be an available slot within the year just so I'll get over and done with it and make my father happy. He was howling me to take this exam right from the moment I graduated from uni. His dream for me was to be a lawyer... but obviously I failed him. So maybe he was thinking even if didn't become a lawyer, at least I was "eligible" (for government service). Haha.

We saw Sitti at Fully Booked earlier this evening. Nothing spectacular, really. I was more excited when I saw Ruby Rodriguez and Danica Sotto at Starbucks Alchemy last Wednesday. That's the influence of watching Okay Ka Fairy Ko, I guess.

P.S. Lola Christmas forwarded an email to me.. juicy chismis! Scandalous!!!

Rantings

Me siento fea hoy. Grrr...

I'm growing out my eyebrows. They're all bushy and in a state of disarray. No shape, whatsoever.

I'm also letting my hair grow up to the middle of my back. I'm planning to do something with my hair which is actually ambitious for someone like me who has very fine and thin hair. But I would really love to have Lindsay Lohan's hair in Mean Girls. So there, let's see if I can pull off that one. But really, I'm desperate for that hairstyle.

And of course, the ongoing battle with my weight. Always guilty of procrastination, I say I'll start my diet tomorrow. But that never happens since I always have an excuse to delay.

Extraordinary

Inspired by Georgia Rule, I'm loving this not-so-new Mandy Moore song...

Extraordinary
Mandy Moore

I was a bay tree
Quiet and unseen
I lived in stories but inside I kept a mystery
I was a starling
Nobody's darling
Flying in perfect circles
Desperate company

And now I'm ready
And now I'm ready
And now I'm ready to be
Extraordinary

A midnight airplane
A window blowing
I know I am another sparkle in the sky
I shine in copper
Still undiscovered
But you must see me in the corner of your eye

Waking up to wake up some day
I am my own prey
Stopping off at a sidewalk cafe
The wind is playing up in the trees
Kicking up confetti leaves
Sings as if it's all to say

And now I'm ready
And now I'm ready
And now I'm ready to be
Extraordinary

Movies Movies

I had a movie marathon yesterday. Juno and I went to Quiapo last Saturday and bought deebeedees. As soon as I woke up (which was at 7 in the morning), I transferred to my sister's room and started my day-long activity.

Disturbia

Okay, it's not intellectually stimulating but I liked it. Actually, I love movies like this one. I don't know how to call movies like these... is it a thriller? suspense? O suspense-thriller? Give me second while I google it... Oh okay... according to wikipedia, it is a thriller.

Shia LaBeouf stars in it. He's not exactly the most handsome actor there is but I have to admit he's a little cute. I liked him in Transformers too. Carrie Ann Moss aka Trinity (Matrix) plays mother roles already?! Hmm... time flies...

Sicko

Michael Moore

Mandy Moore's father.. joke.. oo, corny.

I loved the man's' Fahrenheit 9/11 documentary so when I saw this, I didn't have second thoughts whether or not I'll get a copy. I know this one is a must-see.

The documentary was about the American healthcare industry. It was shocking that the health care system in America was like that. And I thought America was the land of milk and honey. tsk.. tsk.. Honestly, it was really a shock to learn about that. Does this mean that health insurance companies here in the Philippines are less greedy and more conscientious? I, myself, am a medcard holder and I can use it whenever I need it. If I need an ultrasound for my throat, I can get one right away. When my mom needed an MRI, she was able to do so immediately. So not all things are better in Bushland, eh...

Also, it was amazing to learn about the healthcare system in the UK, France and Canada. In the aforementioned countries, it's almost as if there is no need for health insurance anymore. Especially in the UK, in their state-run hospital, the NHS (which is their version of our PGH) , alomost everything is free! You can give birth and not shell out a single cent. They have a cashier alright but that is for reimbursing the citizens for their transportation expenses. Ayos! As one of UK's ex-politician said, they made healthcare in such a way that the people aren't demoralized. If a country can spend on war, more so should it be able to spend on the welfare and health of its citizens. Amen.

Georgia Rule

Jane Fonda, Lindsay Lohan, Felicity HuffmanI love this movie, too!It reminded me of One True Thing, which is one of my favorite movies. Tackling mother-daughter relationships, I was able to relate

with the story. Sort of. Mothers may not always say it but they have only the best intentions for their children. As Georgia (Jane Fonda) told her daughter, if she doesn't love her, then what are rules for? She gave her rules because she loves and cares for her. If she didn't give her rules, it's as if she's saying ' I don't care about you and what goes on in your life.'

Marie Antoinette

Kirsten DunstNot my cup of tea. Sofia Coppola's movies don't really appeal to me. Was this movie supposed to be an indie flick? Whatever. The last Sofia Coppola movie I saw was The Virgin Suicides and the reason why I watched it was Josh Hartnett.

Although I think it was brilliant how they used modern music in the movie since.

One True Thing

Renee Zellweger, Meryl StreepOne of my favorite movies. I like Meryl Streep. And Renee Zellweger. I never thought Renee Zellweger would reach Hollywood stardom when I first saw her in Empire Records and now she's bigger than Liv Tyler.

Family issues... that is what the movie was mainly about. I love family dramas maybe because its close to home. Well, not necessarily that we're going through the exact same thing but there's always the possibility that what happened to their family could happen to ours since it's basically of the same structure.

Clutterholics

I did a little de-cluttering this morning. Supposedly, it would help me get on the right track. After an hour or so sorting my stuff ranging from letters and cards dating back to 1993 from classmates back in third grade, palanca letters from fifth grade til 4th year high school, Savage Garden stuff, all the nametags I used during past retreats, things that I don't really have use of but are keeping just in case, etc. etc. Let's say that I still held on to much of the things I was supposed to throw away (according to the book I'm reading) but it was still successful since I was able to throw away my assignment notebooks. I am such a sentimental person and little by little would do the trick for me. Getting rid of everything all at once will be too much to handle.

Clutter. I still have a lot of those. Our whole house is filled with clutter. What can we do it's in our genes: we're clutterholics! My mom passed it on to us. A room in our house is used as a store room to store all her fabrics and merchandise (she used to have a fabric and an RTW store), a bagful of stockings, lots of buttons, etc. And she has another stock room somewhere out there filled with stuff that might be older than I am.

I hope I get the motivation to continue with de-cluttering my space, our space so we could live harmoniously. Not that we aren't living harmoniously in this house but the clutter's just so overwhelming. I wish the day would come when our house would look like those you see in the pages of a magazine.

Sabado Night

I'm down with the flu. Consequently, I didn't attend class today. Well, most of the girls didn't attend as well. Kosh had to go to the doctor for the results of her larynx stroboscopy. Josette also is down with the flu. Pam had work. So I guess I don't have to worry whether or not I missed a lot. Maybe they just danced the three hours away! Haha!

Actually, I am feeling much much better now. Thanks to all the medications I've been taking namely Pei Pa Koa, Decolgen, Fern-C, Solmux and nebulizing this morning.

Anyway, my Saturday day wasn't put into waste. I scoured through my mother's gabundok ng fabrics that go way back in the 90s. I looked for fabrics that can still be used. It's for my new business idea. :) Hopefully, this one will tip off. And also the other one... I need a break, not the rest-type of break, but THE BREAK that artists, actors, designers, businesses, etc. get that sets the momentum. I think I need that para hindi ko ma-feel na all my efforts are futile. But I'm feeling it now... THIS IS IT!

Aside from the conceptualizing, there was TV watching to do. Kaya I just found out that the second season of Hannah Montana will be starting soon! Good! I love Hannah Montana. Although she's a little annoying I still love it.

Speaking of Disney stuff, I came across somewhere in the internet a few days ago a comment on some site saying that Disney never fails to produce screwed-up talents such as Britney Spears, Lindsay Lohan, etc.. and recently, Vanessa Hudgens. Hmmm... Parang That's Entertainment ba 'yan? Kasi most of the country's bold stars came from That's. Anyway, I saw Vanessa Hudgens naked pic but I'm not sure if it's her. Affected ba? Definitely not. I'm not exactly a Vanessa Hudgens fan. I'm just a High School Musical fan and I'm proud of the girl since she has Filipino blood rushing through her veins, but aside from that, I don't really care.

Speaking of Disney pa rin, I want to watch the VMAs na! Too bad, MTV Philippines is losah! Don't tell me they're going to show it one month after the date it was shown in the States like what they did with the MTV Movie Awards. Jologs kasi when they decide to show it on their channel, you've heard everything about it on the internet already. Wala nang element of surprise. What happened to MTV? They were supposed to be cool, right? When I was in high school, they used to air the award shows just a day after it was aired in the States. Haaay... Anyway, speaking of the VMAs (speaking of..speaking of... daldal!) I saw Britney Spears' performance (no thanks to MTV Phils) and it was a far cry from her past performances. Although others said that this was her last chance to stage a comeback and unfortunately she screwed up, I still believe that she still can stage a real comeback. Britney's a guilty pleasure ;) if I could just dance like she does...

I'm watching Celebrity Duets right now. As usual, nakakinis si Regine Velasquez and that midget boyfriend of hers. I'm happy for them that they found "true love" in each other but please diba, they shant get too cozy and make pa-cute to each other on air. Nakakaalibadbad eh. Plus they're ketanders na 'no! As for the supposedly singing-but-turned-popularity contest, I'm hoping that the winner does have real singing talent. Okay, anyone can win except for Jessica Rodriguez. She's so faaake!!!

What can I do after this... maybe watch my Human Series DVD (BBC). Really, really fascinating. And that's how I'll spend my sabado night.

Ciao bella!

Big Girls Don't Cry

I've been meaning to write an entry but every time I am in front of the pc, my mind just blacks out.

Last Thursday, I turned 25. That means, I'm a quarter-of-a-century old. This has got to be the most uneventful birthday ever. Devoid of feelings of anticipation, the day passed by just like any ordinary day. This year, I didn't even have a countdown. Before, I used to have countdowns right after December 25 and pester my sisters about it so they won't forget to get me a gift. And this year, I didn't even care. Although I got neat gifts.

Before, I used to look forward to celebrating my birthdays. I don't know why this year, I wasn't really keen on celebrating. Maybe because turning 25 means I have to face the reality and act like a grown-up. Nobody's going to buy that I'm-a-25-year-old-trapped-in-a-14-year-old-body stint anymore.

There's this emptiness in me that needs to be filled. The worst part is, that, I don't even know what that emptiness is. My cousin who has been here just recently told me that when I get to their age (which is mid-30s) I will feel the emptiness they feel. I said what if right now I am also feeling an emptiness. She said that I am not feeling it yet. What if we're both feeling the emptiness but different aspects of emptiness. I don't think she was in any position to tell me what I am feeling is insignificant compared to what she is feeling.

I want to do a lot of things but I feel as if I can't do it without the help of others. And these others that I want to help me aren't really helping me out. They want me to be independent. But what if I need them so I could reach that independence? What if I need them so I could realize my dreams? They just don't get it and think that I want everything done for me. But what if I need them to show me how it is done and little by little, leave it to me when I already know how it works?

Again, I'm blaming it on others. There's no one to blame but myself. Time and again, I know I just have to decide when I want to be happy, start a business, get a scholarship. It's just a decision I have to make. I should stop relying on others and start counting on myself. 5 years from now, I will be 30 and by then I know I have to live my own life.

My dad has a point when he told me I should start thinking about my future. They wouldn't be here forever to support me. My sisters, on the other hand, will start a family of their own. If I end up alone, I'd be miserable. Therefore, I have to start thinking of my future and how to reach my goals.

Lech naman ang drama. But I reckon it's true. I need to work on things now.

So ang theme song natin ...



It's time to be a big girl now
And big girls don't cry